His answer was no.
'Biaq betoi,' I thought.
But then again, I haven't seen one too until I was 23 years old, so it's understandable. I then proceed to tell him what I know and observed about 'bertunang'. Keep in mind that this are my views and if you find that the 'adat' that you knew is different or I get it wrong somewhere, feel free to comment. Because honestly, going to one 'bertunang' event doesn't make me a pro.
A few years ago.
One day my cousin came to me and he said, "Faris, nanti tolong jadi kameraman abg mat bertunang boleh dak?"My cousin is an avid photographer and take better photos so I asked, "Awat abang mat tak tangkap sendiri ja?"
Of course I knew he can't be the photographer for his own event! Was just kidding him. But then he replied, "mana boleh, laki mana bleh pi bertunang sendiri."
"Eh, yakaa??"
Didn't know that before.
Rupanya lepas tu baru aku tau secara adatnya, orang lelaki tak pi majlis bertunang sendiri. Tapi kan, bukankah tak logik orang yang nak kahwin tu, tak tengok bakal isteri dia. Kan Islam suruh tengok dulu bakal pasangan tu?
Haa, di sini lah adat melayu ada proses merisik. Merisik tu lah untuk pergi tengok muka orang tu, ada hidung ka takdak. atau dengan kata lainnya, waktu merisik tu lah waktu 'menengok'. Waktu bertunang ni, nak selesaikan benda-benda lain, macam mas kahwin, hantaran dan sebagainya. Kalau waktu merisik/menengok tu dah bincang benda-benda tu, susah la nak jalan. Kena bagi yang nak kawin ni tengok sama sendiri dulu, pastu balik rumah, bagi angau sat. Pastu baru pi balik, bincang-bincang hal seterusnya. baru lah semua lancar.
But that was in the old days. sekarang, tak merisik pon dah angau. whatsapp, facebook, twitter; pick your choice. Unlimited source to 'menengok'. Amikau, tengok la sampai puas.
Anyway back to my cousin's engagement.
So on that day, the family and relatives gather up and convoyed to the girl's house.
Kami sedara mara pon bergeraklah 4 biji kereta. Yang muda-muda, setiap sorang tolong pegang la dulang hantaran bertunang. Bila sampai kat rumah perempuan, dulang-dulang ni diletak kat ruang yang sesuai (meja, ruang tamu, bilik perempuan; ikut tuan rumah la kot). Kebanyakan benda yang dalam tu, seingat aku adalah makanan. Tips: letak 'double-sided tape' antara bekas makanan dan dulang. Kalau dak, dok angkat pi mai pi mai, nanti jatuh. Paling koman, kek kemek. lulz
Lepas tu mula la upacara sembang-sembang. Wakil dari pihak masing-masing pon mula bercakap. Normally the representatives is the relatives eldest uncle.
"Kami datang ni dengan hajat..." bla bla bla and all those stuff. Kalau lagi 'challenging', wakil tu buka bicara dengan pantun. Dem, susah kot nak pantun 'on the spot'.
Maka selepas cakap sikit-sikit, persetujuan pon dicapai. Serius, aku tak paham sangat macam mana boleh selesai cepat gila. Rupa-rupanya dah 'kawtim' sebelum tu. Logik la kan, mesti bincang dulu. Bertunang is to finalize the on-going discussion.
Oh satu lagi, kawan aku cakap zaman dulu orang bawak tepak sirih, dengan bilangan daun sirih tertentu. Tepak sirih ni bagi la kat pihak sana, untuk makan-makan sambil bincang/bersembang. Tapi bilangan daun sirih tu, ada fungsi lain kononnya. Bila pihak sana setuju, wakil makan lah sirih. So in the end, when the guys back at home received the 'tepak sirih' back, they can count the number of sirih and discover how many of the request were agreed upon. Halus kan adat dulu-dulu?
Cuma satu ja la masalah. Kalau lepas habis makan, pihak perempuan pi top-up daun sirih tu, tak ka naya(masalah besar). Lelaki tu ingat dia kena reject lak. terpodol.
Masa sekarang ni, mana ada orang makan sirih dah. Daun sirih pon tak kenai, sesetengah tu.( I was 10)
Berbalik kepada bertunang sepupu aku, lepas semua pihak setuju dan perbincangan selesai, wakil pon baca doa sikit-sikit. Pastu mula sesi tangkap gambar.
"Ni kameraman, mai sini tangkap gambar."
Aku pon tangkap la gambar tunang, gambar kek, gambar tunang lagi, gambar bakal mak mentua, gambar sarung cincin dan sebagainya. You get the point.
Waktu ni jugak la, bakal mak mentua kena cakap, "Cantiknya bakal menantu saya," bla bla bla sambil cium pipi kanan kiri. CLICK! CLICK! Tu gambar mahai, kalau boleh tangkap waktu tu.
Setelah habis semua, selalunya ada jamuan sikit. Lepas makan, rombongan pon balik. "Ni jangan lupa hantaran ni haih!" tuan rumah cakap. Hantaran yang dibawa tadi, tinggal, hantaran yang perempuan bagi, dibawa pulang. Exchange. Apabila sampai rumah, hantaran tu diselongkar dan apa yang boleh dimakan, akan dimakan. Meanwhile the relatives would congratulate the fiancee, "Tudia mat, pandai hang pilih calon. Lawa aihhhh." In which the guy would smile widely. Untuk pengetahuan anda, dari sini lah asal perumpamaan seperti kerang busuk.
As you notice, the guy didn't go to his own engagement. He just sat at home like a boss and waits for the pictures. Seems more befitting, I think.
But each is to his/her own, I guess. If you want to go to your engagement, there's nothing wrong in it.
Just don't do a wedding photoshoot. You know, hug and stuff.
"Ni kawin ka bertunang ni?"
Anyways, I wish my friend all the best in his engagement, and afterwards, wedding
And as put by a blogger crudely, "sekarang ni musim mengawan", I would also like to wish all those that are going to get married, to have a barakah marriage.
May Allah bless us all.
Thank you for reading.
Here's a song about a man who should get a job.
*dialog adalah rekaan semata-mata
**for the record, I'm a bad cameraman. sarung cincin tu kena ulang dua kali, pause, untuk aku tangkap gambar.
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